It is accepted as truth that “Dead Men Tell No Tales” unless they are the Un-Dead, and in yet another movie with Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). This fifth installment of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise also stars Javier Bardem as a competing ghost Captain of the Ship – that would be Captain Salazar who has a see-through body and heavy gross stuff on his face.
That “gross-stuff” makeup is part of the fun and shtick of these crazy Pirates that fight with swords, but never seem to die. Jack Sparrow is still his charming self who also needs some rehab; the boy has a serious drinking problem, but he sloshes his way through death and defiance without a scratch. It’s that clean living of a Johnny Depp character.
The ”Pirates of the Caribbean” film series began in 2003 when Captain Jack and the crew sailed into our lives in “The Curse of the Black Pearl.” Before we/I start ripping this movie, let’s remember that the first four movies that were innocently based on the theme-park ride at Walt Disney, have sold tickets worth $3.73 billion and Depp was nominated for Best Actor for “The Curse of the Black Pearl.”
In 2003, the world was fascinated with Captain Jack and while Depp was nominated for an Oscar; he didn’t win, but to get nominated for a part where he plays a schmuck pirate with gold teeth and a silly grin is noteworthy. His portrayal of the adorable Jack Sparrow in “Dead Men Tell No Tales,” is not worthy of a high school award much less an award for a captain on the high seas. Oh, how times have changes. But, the money is still good.
Will this fifth movie top $4 billion in total franchise sales – domestic? Not counting worldwide, pirate product, and video games.
Even though this movie suffers from the Rocky Syndrome, it will be a mild success and top four billion, but barely.
Bigger question: will there be a Pirates Six? Of course! With this kind of money flowing, who cares about the product. Hey, that’s not fair. This movie leaves it all on the screen and Directors Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg spent many millions on sets and special effects, but there’s only so many ways that Captain Jack and the boys can become entangled with a beautiful femme fatale and a mysterious cure for curses or a map to riches.
I was glad to see 65 year-old Geoffrey Rush reprise his role as Captain Hector Barbossa who looked more like the Cowardly Lion than a treacherous pirate. After you see this movie, let me know if you also had visions of the Wizard of Oz when you see Barbossa’s costume.
This is a “pay your money and takes your changes” experience. You know if you think big music and fantasy stories are appealing. I would have preferred to wait for the DVD. Rock ‘n Roll.
Grade 72. Larry H.
I’ve always known that Director Guy Ritchie had extraordinary powers to convince others to do what he wanted them to do when he married Madonna in December, 2000. So, he was once again able to acquire the money to make this fantasy film about the struggles of King Arthur. I thought we already covered that; how many movies and books have been produced about good ole Arthur.
Ritchie and his two co-writers evidently think we needed at least one more starring Charlie Hunnam who is best known as Jax Teller of the hugely successful TV series “Sons of Anarchy.” (2008-2014). I chose this movie for my Friday afternoon delight primarily because I wanted to see my boy Charlie Hunnam make the transition to the big screen. Ritchie and Hunnam are both Brits so not a big stretch for either of them to want to explore the back alleys of Londinium through the eyes of young Arthur and his crew.
In this version of King Arthur, he still pulls Excalibur from the rock, but then he’s bewildered how to control its powers and to handle it emotionally. And that mean old Vortigern (Jude Law) kills Arthur’s parents and steals his crown; darn the luck.
But Arthur joins the resistance and fights his way back to the thrown; or does he? I wouldn’t know because I left about an hour and twenty minutes into this fraudulent flick.
I knew I shouldn’t have chosen this movie just to see Charlie Hunnam. During the opening scenes, I felt in my bones that “Ritchie’s messing with us.” Might have been the giant elephant-like woolly monsters with tusks 25 feet long.
Ritchie was able to corral an outstanding cast of Djimon Hounsou as Bedivere, Astrid Berges-Frisbey as The Mage, Eric Bana as Uther, and “Game of Thrones’” Littlefinger, Aidan Gillen who played Bill. All of that talent was lost on a silly, sophomoric story and special effects and music that were over the top.
My crowd was small and unimpressed based on crowd body language. Go Rockets! Oh yeah, I forgot that James Harden and the boys wanted to take an early vacation so they skipped Game 6. Double dang it.
Grade 69W. Larry H. (Note: a “W” in Larry H’s grading system indicates that he walked out.)
Excerpt from my review of “Guardians of the Galaxy” (Vol. 1) even though we did not know in 2014 for certain that there would be a Vol. 2:
“Chris Pratt’s life is over as he knows it. He’s the breakout star of this movie where he plays Peter Quill aka Star Lord. Of course, it appears that no one refers to him as “Star Lord” but he believes it, so it’s amusing. Everything Pratt does in this movie is bouncing between charming, funny, or tongue-in-cheek. He’s having a laugh throughout the film even if disaster has befallen him. He will no longer just be known as Anna Faris’ husband or as the dimwitted Andy Dwyer from TV’s “Parks and Recreation.” Ditto.
My comments from August 1, 2014, are still accurate a mere three years later and now Marvel and Disney have blessed us with Volume 2. At least “they” will be blessed as this movie is destined to gross very large piles of money. Pratt, Zoe Saldana (Gamora), Dave Bautista (Drax), and Michael Rooker (Yondu) are bigtime Hollywood stars because of their gigs in Guardians. They are set for life in this fifteenth movie of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the hits just keep on coming. There are at least seven more MCU movies already set for a theatre complex near you.
Established stars also quickly agree to participate in a MCU project because the previous 14 movies have been smash hits. “Iron Man” and Robert Downey Jr. started this bonanza in 2008 and then we’ve had The Hulk, Spiderman, Captain America, Thor, The Avengers, Ant Man, Black Widow and Doctor Strange. Stan Lee and Marvel Comics couldn’t be any hotter.
Let’s talk more about 94 year-old Stan Lee who is the Godfather of Marvel Comics. He and his partner Jack Kirby created superheroes beginning in the 1950’s. Lee is credited with the creation of “naturalistic characters” who had, in spite of being a superhero, fits of anger, emotional upheaval, relationship problems and financial woes. Just like the rest of us; except they could fly, jump, shoot and scoot while they saved the world or the entire universe if needed. We do love to escape to our superheroes.
Bradley Cooper certainly does not need to lend his voice to Rocket, the loveable and feisty racoon-looking Guardian of the Galaxy and neither does Vin Diesel as Baby Root, but they do it because these movies are fun and super-successful. Same for Kurt Russell and Sylvester Stallone. My favorite character: Taserface played by Chris Sullivan.
Director James Gunn wrote a brilliantly clever and humorous script and hired outstanding special effects and animation artists. This movie is one long fireworks display. Too long.
Eric H. and I saw this movie on a Thursday Night sneak preview at First Colony AMC. A very devoted crowd who clapped and laughed heartily.
At times, I literally screamed with hoots and hollers, but in spite of this being a gloriously produced and directed film, I was not fully entertained by the story of Peter Quill and the gang trying to discover his true parentage while fighting bad guys of the cosmos and “…protecting valuable batteries from an interdimensional monster in exchange for the release of Gamora’s estranged sister Nebula.”
If you like superhero movies that are big-budget projects, then this one’s for you. Rock ‘n Roll.
Grade 80. Larry H. www.larryhmoviereviews.com
This movie’s been out since March 31st so many of you have already seen “The Boss Baby.” How do I know that? Ticket sales are over $125 million. And that my friends is a ticket to big bucks.
But how do you make an animation about a baby; a boss baby no less. And what is a boss baby?
First: buy the filming rights to a popular children’s book entitled; wait for it….”The Boss Baby” by Marla Frazee. Then get a bunch of great Hollywood voices under contract and by all means hire Hans Zimmer and Steve Mazzaro to produce and write the music that will cause the audience to flit and fly along this whimsical story about babies, and puppies and love.
Then hire some very skilled special effects guys and set designers and you have a formula for a winning movie for kids. The kids in my audience, and I mean children under six, squealed and screamed with glee and laughed on cue repeatedly which means Directors Hendel Butoy and Tom McGrath know the location of a child’s funny bone. Why two directors? I don’t know.
The voice of Alec Baldwin was The Boss Baby and he brought just the right enough humor and hutzpah with a pinch of charm to a complicated character who arrives as an infant via cab in a tiny will-made suit and tie carrying a briefcase. The rest of the story is irrelevant.
If you own a child or can borrow one from your family or friends, then take a leap of faith and have a “take-a-kid-to-a-movie” experience that will earn you extra points in heaven. This is an extremely hilarious and comical film designed for kids, about kids, and all we need is love.
Bravo to Marla Frazee for having the exquisite understanding and special awareness of the perspective of children and the reason the will laugh and be happy if you tell a good story. And it doesn’t hurt to have a long noodle dangling from the nose of Boss Baby and a few bare butt shots with powder. My kids shrieked with enjoyment and when they laughed, I laughed. It was a hoot. Rock ‘n Roll.
Grade: Kids Yes Larry H.
“Dominic Torreto has gone rogue,” exclaims Hobbs, a shocked member of the crew. The “Fast and Furious” crew began in 2001 led by Paul Walker as Brian O’Connor and Vin Diesel as Dom. Tragically Walker died in a real-life car wreck in 2013.
But the crew of fast cars and fast women survived and now consists of the veteran Hobbs played by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson; I still like calling him The Rock. Jason Statham as Deckard and Tyrese Gibson and Ludacris as Roman and Tej. With a crew like this, with this much name recognition and muscle-popping hunks, this latest entry of the Fast and Furious franchise will make back its $250 million price tag by early summer. Salaries and special effects alone must have topped $200 million. This is a very high-dollar production.
Director F. Gary Gray, at 46, knows how to make an action movie with a big budget because I just saw him do it. Gray is best known for his award-winning movie “Straight Outta Compton” (2015) when he told the story of the birth of Hip Hop in 1980’s Los Angeles.
Other than the guys on steroids, Michelle Rodriquez returns as Letty; Dom’s love interest. And to further counter-balance the boys, Nathalie Emmanuel reprises her role of Ramsey, the skank with the big Afro. Kurt Russell who played “Mr. Nobody” in Furious 7 joined the fun and brought along “Little Nobody” played by Little Clint. As in Scott Eastwood at age 31. He looks so much like his daddy that it’s spooky; no need for DNA testing.
Charlize Theron begins a new character – Cipher. And she is a super-badass woman with sexy waist-length blond hair with the attitude of a classic psychopath. Let’s just say in deference to the latest vote by the Senate on a US Supreme Court Justice, she goes nuclear.
The story is not important; this is about rock ‘em sock ‘em power cars with big engines and big egos and this film delivers the “Fast and Furious” product; you will not be disappointed if you are a fan. I haven’t seen about the last five so I was merely visiting the shenanigans to see how things have been progressing.
Interesting footnote to the Game of Thrones devotees: Kristofer Hivju, also known as the tough guy (Tormund Giantsbane) with the big red beard from GOT has some serious screen time in this movie and you already have concluded that Nathalie Emmanuel is Missandei from GOT; she’s the hot chick who serves alongside the even hotter Daenerys Targaryen. Can’t wait until the new season begins.
The fate of the “Fast and Furious” stream of consciousness and its ability to sell tickets will remain solid. Some of my audience clapped at the end of the movie; gotta love fans of a movie franchise. They are an extremely loyal group and will keep buying tickets and love Vin “The Voice” Diesel and Dwayne Johnson – The Rock. Rock ‘n Roll.
Grade 80. Larry H.
This movie has a great message; it’s just not a great movie. The novel of the same name was written by Canadian William P. Young who originally self-published “The Shack” and then the rest is history after selling about a million copies.
In an interview, Young explained that the title of the book is a metaphor for “the house you build out of your own pain.” Couldn’t have said it better.
Before going to this movie that has been out for several weeks, everyone, and I mean everybody, I spoke to about “The Shack” emphasized that I should “take some Kleenex” because it’s a tear-jerker. And guess what; they were right.
Extremely emotional movie about family, death, grief, blame, guilt, sin, arrogance, and redemption, recovery, and trusting God. And not necessarily in that order, but British Director Stuart Hazeldine understood the delicate balance of a the spiritual journey of a father broken by the murder of his child.
That father, who was suffering from a shattered soul and a fierce fight with God, was played by Sam Worthington. You remember Sam as Jake Scully who fought the good fight in the 2009 movie “Avatar.” He was perfect in this film as Mack Phillips.
And he needed to bring a strong performance because the super-talented Octavia Spencer played “Papa” also known as God. God was actually played by two actors; the other heavenly performance was by none other than 64 year-old Graham Greene who is also Canadian; born on the Six Nations Reserve, Ontario, Canada.
Avraham Aviv Alush, an Israeli-born actor, played Jesus and Sumire Matsubara from Japan played the third part of the Holy Trinity. So, let’s summarize: God was played by an African American woman and a male born on a Canadian Indian Reservation; Jesus was an Israeli soldier turned actor, and the Holy Spirit was played by a 27 year-old Japanese woman. I do not know what this means, but it sure is an interesting aspect of movie-making. Does this mean that God is not blond and blue-eyed? Is there a heaven and where is it?
The couple in AMC Theatre #22 sitting about four seats to my right were crying and sniffling so loudly that I was having difficulty hearing the movie. God bless ‘em. I did not shed a tear. What’s up with that? Rock ‘n Roll.
Grade 85. Larry H. email@example.com
This is an above average production based on an extraordinarily simple storyline: six astronauts traveling in the International Space Station (ISS) find the first sign of “life” outside of earth’s atmosphere. And after this magnificently historical discovery of new life, things go badly. And that, my friends, is the plot. I kept thinking that there might be a unique twist or a nuance of mysterious terror, but alas, no.
So what is this new life form? It needs water, oxygen and food to exist. But what is “it?” Well, I can tell you it is from Mars because the trailers make that revelation. Other than that, if you are foolish enough to buy a ticket, then you will find out, but I will not tell you.
If you are suffering from the inability to sleep, and you don’t want to take pills, then this film might be for you.
Director Daniel Espinosa, who was born in Sweden and has reached a modicum of success, was fortunate in casting Jake Gyllenhaal as the lead. Jake G. is one of the hottest good actors in Hollywood. He’s only been nominated once for Best Actor for his 2015 splendid performance in “Nightcrawler” as a creepy news reporter and he should have been nominated last year for “Nocturnal Animals.” And as a reminder, he was not nominated for Best Supporting Actor in “Brokeback Mountain” for the year 2005 for his memorable portrayal of a gay cowboy opposite Heath Ledger. The Academy does not always vote as Larry H. thinks they should vote.
Pretty Boy Ryan Reynolds also stars as one of the astronauts, but we all know that Gyllenhaal is the box office draw. Rebecca Ferguson is the big winner as Miranda North; she’s recently appeared in “Girl on the Train” and “Florence Foster Jenkins” but she was the star of “Life.”
Ms. Ferguson, 34, is from Sweden; thinks she knows Espinosa. I think yes!
This film is an example of “Hollywood keeps banging ‘em out” hoping for the big one. “If we can just get a big star and a substantial budget so I can get top-notch special effects guys, I can make it happen,” said the young director to the billionaire from Colorado. But we are a savvy audience and you cannot fool us because we are going to see “The Walking Dead” and “Homeland” on Sunday night. Rock ‘n Roll.
Grade 76. Larry H.
Disney strikes again! They put $160 million into the production of the classic story of “Love Conquers All.” Is that still true? Are you the beauty or the beast? I’m trending toward beast, but Monique H. still loves me so I guess love does conquer all. Not; maybe. Not sure.
But this is a beautiful movie; the sets are exquisite, music wonderful, costumes splendid, story is simple and engaging. Director Bill Condon has done a couple of the Twilight movies and “Dreamgirls” in 2006 so he was ready to take Disney’s money and run with it. And he ran in the right direction and created a film that will be appealing to all sizes and shapes. This will earn a ton of money for Uncle Walt’s company.
I saw this during Spring Break on a Friday afternoon and there were big crowds and many kids and their parents. Everybody loves a good love story that has a happy ending. Don’t hate on me; we all know that Beauty kisses the Beast.
In this version, Harry Potter’s Emma Watson, 26, is the ideal girl from the small village who loves her daddy who she calls “Papa.” Accent on the second “pa.” One of the reasons that Watson is perfect as Belle is that she is not too pretty and has a charming grin and inviting eyes. Not to mention that the adult Emma Watson is an accomplished actress.
The Beast is played by Dan Stevens and he is too pretty, but not a problem because he spends 98% of the film in the beast costume with curved goat-like horns and covered in animalistic hair. The extravagant costumes were colorful and inspiring. The chorus and dancers were delightful and brought needed energy.
Just hearing the song “Beauty and the Beast” sung slowly with an orchestra gets me misty-eyed. The music is attributed to Alan Menken The Great who you might remember won an Oscar for the musical score in the 1991 version of “Beauty and the Beast.” Menken has won eight Oscars over a thirty-year career.
I’ve always related to Belle’s human suitor Gaston - the semi-good looking chap with a slightly demented attitude who almost gets the girl, but he is a good-timer. And he has a friend, LaFou, that hangs very close to Gaston; too close some believe. Luke Evans as Gaston and Josh Gad as LaFou were scene stealers and my pick for big winners. That is; other than Disney. And Bill Condon and Emma Watson and everyone in this fun-filled musical that still connects with an audience in 2017. Why? Love conquers all! Rock ‘n Roll.
Grade 88. Larry H. www.larryhmoviereviews.com
I had too much fun partying this past weekend to slow down enough to write a review for “Logan.” But I can tell you that if you like the other ten movies about The Wolverine in the X-Men series played by the hunky Hugh Jackman and his ripped body, then you will probably like “Logan.” The older and wiser super-hero with the long claws that slice and dice the bad guys.
I’ve read only rave reviews about this flick and my friends and family seem to like it, but what do they know. A lot actually, and I’m listening to them. Some film critics start breathing their own air and believe that their opinions are infallible. And I am convinced that my opinions are always accurate; for me. From my perspective. Accurate; if I’m being truthful which is the baseline for a movie critic.
Here’s the truth: I didn’t like this movie; the story was slow, simple, sophomoric, and unengaging. It’s a pretty movie and the acting was believable and Hugh Jackman performed admirably in what he is calling his swan song. “That it’s for me as The Wolverine; somebody else might play the part but I’m out,” as shared by Jackman on “Live with Kelly” last week when he was plugging the movie.
Something worked. Opening weekend box office results: $88.3 million US and $247.3 million globally. That’s some serious jack, Jack.
I blame director James Mangold who is also credited with the story. And that’s the problem, Jimmy Boy. The story sucked and I wasn’t buying what you were selling. I know you were also the director for the equally successful “”The Wolverine” in 2013, so you should have known better. Ok, I hear you laughing all the way to the bank, but I’m still right. Rock ‘n Roll.
Grade 74. Larry H.
This surprisingly well-made movie was written and directed by Jordan Peele. Yeah, that same Jordan Peele who created and starred in the TV series of several years ago – “Key and Peele.” So, we know he can be a funny man, and is creative, but can he be the big man at the top of the credits and claim his first film as a Jordan Peele Film? Well, yes, he can.
Throughout much of the movie, I was repeatedly “judging” young Peele. Who does he think he is? Trying to write and direct a big-time movie and even make the flick about race? He’s Jordan Peele – film director and writer who has created a spectacularly original premise for a film that is chock full of outstanding performances by a cast chosen and shepherded by a young talent who turned 38 on February 21st.
Great directors make wise choices. And then those choices of actors hopefully can take direction and fulfil the vision of the writers and directors. And in this case, Peele was the writer and director so his inside knowledge of the full package went unchallenged.
Lucky for us, because this cast ensemble knocked it out of the park. Bravo Jordan Peele. The main cast: Daniel Kaluuya, Allison Williams, Bradley Whitford, and Catherine Keener.
The storyline begins innocently when the audience is introduced to a cute, young couple in love who are going to meet her parents for the first time at the big, swanky estate in the country. She’s white and he’s black. Hello, “Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner?”
But that’s the end of a meaningful comparison to Director Stanley Kramer’s 1967 classic when the titans of Spencer Tracy and Sidney Poitier explained the racial divide of the 1960’s. This film of the 21st Century sets up race as a backdrop and the stinging edge of bigotry as a tool to develop some of the mystery and certainly the underbelly of the dark humor.
Note to self: I was laughing heartily, at times, when the rest of my Friday afternoon, opening-day audience did not even chuckle. Uh oh, sometimes Larry H. doesn’t get the memo, but I think my fellow audience members were missing the Peele Point. Let me know what you think after you see “Get Out.”
Every cast member is a winner for having the opportunity to appear in this radically unique film, but Daniel Kaluuya, the 27 year old Brit, was the huge winner for his believable performance as the “black” boyfriend, Chris Washington. It looks like to me that Peele decided to give the starring role to a relative unknown and he chose wisely. LilRel Howery was also a bright spot for his part as the caring best friend of Kaluuya’s Chris Washington.
This was an absolute sleeper for me. I love it when that happens. Rock ‘n Roll.
Grade 91. Larry H. www.larryhmoviereviews.com