Number 1000!!! – Friday, October 28th - Larry H. publishes his one thousandth movie review 1997-2022
Zoolander 2
Released:  February 12, 2016
Dear Lord, please don’t let there be a “Zoolander 3.” I didn’t mean to blaspheme, but I do hope that director and star Ben Stiller makes a lot of money on this silly slice of diddly boo and then let’s the franchise die. I didn’t see “Zoolander 1” so who am I to hate on this movie; I’m a human that suffers and don’t I bleed when cut? Ben and three other writers actually sat in a conference room and laughed at this facacta – which is Yiddish for trash/manure or other smelly things.   There was definitely an odor.
I’ll try to relate the story to you, but please don’t expect an explanation of the ending as I left before the grand finale. Only fifteen minutes left, but I was not strong enough to remain in Theatre 23. I tried; dat gummit.
Our male models Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) and Hansel (Owen Wilson) resurrect their characters from 2001. A little long in the tooth with hair and careers eschew, the bimbos are attempting to…   I’m sorry; I’m not sure what they were trying to do. I did note that Penelope Cruz is still a fox even in an absurd movie. How dumb was it? Dumb as a board. An ugly board; that needs sanding and paint and other, newer and younger boards to provide structure.
Even Will Ferrell as Mugatu couldn’t save this sinking ship er stinkin’ ship.  Benedict Cumberbatch as All, the androgynous person, took a shot at righting the ship but his service was brief hence the water continued to rush in; the pumps could not keep up. And Joe Jonas, Justin Bieber, Kristen Wiig, Macaulay Culkin, Billy Zane, Ariana Grande, Kim Kardashian West, Kiefer Sutherland, John Malkovich, Katy Perry, Fred Armisen, Lenny Kravitz, and Sting? Nope. Nada.
And then a brief moment of sunshine appeared as Susan Sarandon in a cameo sang ever so briefly with the voice and utterances of her 1975 Janet Weiss from “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” I kid you not; there are no boundaries in “Zoolander 2.” Contact me if you agree that Sarandon was imitating her old role as Janet Weiss.
That’s assuming, of course, that you see this flawed little flick, which is not advised under any circumstances. If you have not seen the movies nominated for Best Picture, then make sure you are ready for the Oscars on February 28th. Rock ‘n Roll.
Grade 65 W. Larry H.   
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