The Huntsman: Winter's War
Released: April 7, 2016
This is my punishment for not going to the movies on my anointed time of Friday afternoon. Don’t blame me; I was busy. Monique H. and I had a date Saturday for lunch so we extended it into an afternoon movie at our local AMC. The movie choice was a result of a compromise as we agreed that “…there aren’t many good movies out right now.” Whenever I struggle with a movie and this was a mighty skirmish, I prefer to steal quotes from others and in this case it’s the studio that claims: “As a war between rival queen sisters Ravenna and Freya escalates, Eric and fellow warrior Sara, members of the Huntsmen army, raised to protect Freya, try to conceal their forbidden love as they combat Ravenna’s wicked intentions.” What a crock! I stayed for the entire movie and I’m pretty sure that was the plot, but I think I would have jazzed it up a little. Maybe something like this: “Chris Hemsworth stars as a hunky warrior-huntsman who falls in love with a skank-warrior who never misses with her archery skills even when shooting at Chris, and two really dynamic Hollywood stars portray “ice queens” not only because there is a lot of ice involved but because they are some really doggone cold broads. I would have said “bitches” but this is a family show. These three rough-around-the-edges women were played by Charlize Theron, Emily Blunt, and Jessica Chastain. Usually, I like all three of these actresses, but this film was so boring; I was suffering from Sleep Apathy. Two were evil queens and one was Chris’ love-interest. I’ll let you guess who played what; might be fun. I doubt you’ll see this movie at the theatre; might see it on Direct TV because you’ll hear that these four typically successful actors are in the movie and we all like a fairy tale. But this tale has a target audience of 12-year-old girls and I ain’t one of those. Director Cedric Nicolas-Troyan spent all of his allotted $20 million on CG Effects and Staff and almost zero on the script. Here is quote from the action: Ravenna - “Are you ready huntsman?” Huntsman – “Aye.” Apologies, Mr Nicolas-Troyan but you aren’t Cedric the Entertainer. Monique H. and I had a good time as we always do on one of our dates, but it was in spite of this silly sequel. Yes, there was a Huntsman #1. But alas, there is no light at the end of this dark fantasy. Rock ‘n Roll. Grade 69. Larry H.