Number 1000!!! – Friday, October 28th - Larry H. publishes his one thousandth movie review 1997-2020
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back
Released:  October 21, 2016
“They’re unloading the crate; we better go in…pure opium…we better run for it…are you mad at me…stand down.” And folks, the dialogue from this latest installment of super-ex-military-action-film starring Tom Cruise as Major Jack Reacher doesn’t get any better. “It’s not ‘Major’…I’m no longer with the military.”
Apologies to Lee Child who originally wrote the Jack Reacher series; I’m sure they were a fun read but this Jack Reacher film is a bust. Is it the producers’ fault? There are three credited with being the producer – one of which is Tom Cruise.
I need to speak directly to Tom for a moment: “Tommy, have you lost your freakin’ mind? I know you put up a bunch of your own money ($68 million budget) and agreed to star as Jack Reacher, again (2012), but you had to notice that this story was silly and senseless with characters that were underdeveloped and completely devoid of depth and able to utter meaningful sentences. And that bad guy who wore short, tight, leather black gloves with Velcro and holes for each knuckle; what was that – 1950? I know you threatened to ‘break his arms, and then his legs and then his neck’ and it caused me to quake, but Tommy, at age 54, you can’t keep going to the well forever; even Clint Eastwood had to move on past Dirty Harry.”
There’s a rumor, and you know I don’t like to spread rumors, but on good authority, I’ve heard that Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Dolph Lundgren have signed a letter requesting that you stop making Jack Reacher movies. Ouch.
I have some positive observations about your leading lady, Cobie Smulders, and young co-star Danika Yarosh, but I think I’ll let it go.
The name of this movie should be “Jack Reacher: Never Go.” Rock ‘n Roll
Grade 69. Larry H. #999
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