The Simpsons - the Movie NOT
Released: July 27, 2007
D'oh. I got up before breakfast; drank some coffee and took a walk in the local woods before sunrise - I ain't scared of no 'skeeters. They don't like my blood; can you blame 'em?
I've been working sort of hard lately and missed going to the movies the last two Fridays so on this fine, muggy Saturday morning I say to Monique H. "hey, I think I'm going to see Homer at Loews at 10:00 am; she never batted an eye - what a loving woman!
I arrived uncharacteristically early and took my aisle seat with about 75 other hearty souls from little kids to grandma. Around 10:05 I noticed that the trailers had not even started and the there was no light in the little projection room at the top of the theatre. By 10:11 a father and his two teenage sons sitting near me started openly discussing the late start of the movie; they had been energetically talking trash to each other and taking turns picking on the younger "Daniel" the fifteen year old. Conversations were popping up all over the theatre by 10:15 and still no movie.
Folks were getting restless and leaving to check on the status of the movie; the dad and sons are trying to coax each other into going to complain to Loew's manager. After being badgered by the his seventeen year old brother, Daniel finally gives in and walks down the aisle to gather information. Dad then congratulates older brother on getting Daniel to take an unwanted leap of faith and declares him to be a "jedi" for getting his little brother to do something he didn't want to do.
It's now 10:22 and we are getting various reports that are verbally shared with the entire crowd that: "...they said there are technical difficulties...no way, man, that just means that nobody knows how to fix it...I got the right info - the projectionist has not shown up yet - look, there's still no light on up there behind the glass windows." And now I'm thinking the projectionist got liquored up last night and we might have a long wait. The crowd is becoming unruly; cell phones come out; folks are standing up looking around and everyone is talking...except me. I was the only one in the theatre that did not have someone with them. Kids, do not sit near someone like me. 10:26 and no movie: The seventeen year old is now hollering to a couple of fifteen year old knuckleheads sitting directly beneath the windows: "hey, why don't you knock on the window to see if you can get somebody's attention." Being the mental giants that they were, they started beatinng on the window with vigor.
10:29 - over half the crowd has left or is unaccounted for; 10:30 - folks are talking to each other all over the theatre and some are re-urging the kncukleheads to beat on the window and report to the rest of us if they can see anyone in the projectionist's room. We've got a low-grade mutiny developoing and I'm laughing so hard at the teenagers that I now hope the movie doesn't start for a while so I can see where this is going.
10:31 - a two year old is now running from side to side banging on chairs and squealing with glee; his mother can not keep up with him. As his mother gets closer and about to snatch him, the seventeen year old hollows to the two year old "...run, Little Dude, she's coming."
10:33 - the trailers begin...but the picture is so out of focus that we can not read words or distinguish characters. The hard cores are still hoping for the best and/or discussing leaving to see "Harry Potter" that starts at 10:45...allegedly. I'm still having a good time at the "movies" but the fuzzy picture finally runs us all out of the theatre. 10:46 - the few that are left have given up. There is chaos throughout Loew's complex and a long line at the ticket counter for refunds. I decide the line is too long and I'll just get my money some other day. Rock 'n Roll.